Been super busy its kinda unreal. My schedule is super cramped right now. Trying to get things in order and just live a decent life, keep time in my schedule straight so I have time to spend with those who I care about. It's hard!!! But, doing a good job or at least I think so.
Over the weekend I managed to have a complete meltdown and what's bugging me is something that has managed to bother me for YEARS. I have the philosophy that I need to live my life to the fullest so that if anything were to happen I can say I actually accomplished something. As I think about it though I wonder if I truly have done so. Sure, I've done the general things like graduate high school and I've had a job for the last 3 years, and I technically I own my car. But really most people have done at least 1 of those things on that list. But are those things that people are going to remember? Not really.
I got kicked out of college because I was to young to realize how important a degree actually is. Now I know how important going to college is and I want to go, just don't have the resources to do that at the present time. I came to the realization that even though I want to be an event planner, for me to that I would need a lot of things that I don't have to get a business off the ground. I will get my certification and probably do that on the side. With all the trouble my sister has run into the last couple years its helped me come to the decision that becoming a paralegal would be a career that would be good for me and I would be good at. So the plan is to get a computer and choose a school and get a degree, and work as a criminal paralegal. I'm happy with that goal and know if I set my mind to that I will accomplish that goal.
I've never had a relationship, but that really doesn't matter to me. I really could care less about that I'm not really in a state where I can truly be ready to handle a relationship. I change my mind to much and get bored by people to easily. But, it still bothers me that I'll be 21 in September and have been out of high school almost 3 yrs. and have only had negative after negative experiences with "men". I know I'll get there one day when I'm ready but when people I graduated with are getting engaged and having babies it really makes me wonder how long is it going to take for me to be ready? I'm not sure. Not sure that I'll ever know until the time comes.
Until Next Time. <3
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