Titanium

We all know what its like to have something we don't want to lose. Or I hope that you do. Whether its a friendship or a relationship. Maybe even something material. I have no idea what it is for you, but for me its a relationship. I haven't been able to put my finger on why this one is so damn important to me but it is. And with everything that is going on in world right now,it's slipping away a little at a time. I guessing I've been acting weird and that is the last thing I need right now. But there has been so much regurgitation of my past in the last few days that it's making my head spin. I can't really help the way I'm acting, unless I push it all down. I used to be able to put off a persona like that but after everything that has happened to me and with all I'm dealing with, it makes it very difficult to give off that persona anymore. And honestly I don't want to do that anymore. I've grown as a person and hiding all that I feel hasn't worked for me and I'm learning that.
What has regurgitated itself you may be wondering. Well, if you have read my previous posts you remember "Bob". Well a few days ago I got a message from him and I was surprised. I haven't really ever heard from guys after they decided they didn't want to talk to me or just ignored me to the point I got fed up that I quit trying. I wasn't sure if I was going to message back because I thought maybe he didn't remember who I was and that maybe I was someone new. But I messaged him just to see why he would message me after what had happened. He actually messaged me to apologize for being an ass. And to me that means a lot. To be able to recognize when you've made a mistake and want to make it right means that you are the bigger person. I truly commend him for doing that.  As the conversation went on he asked me what I thought about him when we hung out the few times that we did. I was honest and told him I thought that he was ok and that I enjoyed the conversations that we had. After that I asked him what he thought of me and he said that I was interesting and he liked talking to me. I was taken aback by this statement because I thought that maybe our conversation at dinner that night was what scared him off but apparently not. The conversation ended by him telling me that he missed talking to me and that was different.  I don't know if I'll actually ever hear from him again,  but knowing that he's sorry for what he did is something that feels good. And to know what happened wasn't my fault feels even better. Because when everything happened for a while I thought that it was my fault and that was something I got over after a while but it took time. I won't lie to you all there were a few times when I thought about it, I cried. It made me angry, depressed, and I felt awkward.

I have still be working on what I mentioned in my last post and its coming along.  Should be ready to be start the first segment here soon. 

                          Until Next Time