Regret??? I'm not sure. Maybe

Hey all! Today is a good day. I'm glad I'm alive and I feel ready to live another day. I feel good in my skin and don't really care that my hair has flyaways galore. We all know that these are the days that make us thankful. But, what about the not so great days, the ones where we shake our heads, constantly look at the ground, and when we look in the mirror it just makes your skin crawl. Also known as the bad days. As we all continue to go through the wonderful thing called daily life, I hope that the good days outway the bad.

I guess that its time to get down to the nitty gritty of what's on my mind for the day. Regrets. We all have them. Some are bigger than others. There are the small ones that you just let go and move on, then there are the others that we just can't let go. I have so many that I've just let go and those just are so easy and then there are the ones I feel given the choice I may never let go. But, knowing that and knowing how I am I realize that I am one to hold grudges for as long as I can then suddenly just be done and let it go. But regret not so much. I'm more of the type of that will sit with it on my mind for a while then just decide to be done but it won't totally leave me. Because I believe that with every mistake and regret there is a chance to grow and learn. Today I'm taking my regrets and mistakes and choosing to make it an opportunity to learn.

What I'm learning and taking from everything is that there are things that are going to happen that are going to make you a better person and here it is that saying that people and things are gonna happen and you have to take that see the best in it l learn from it and try your best to move on. So today is a monumental day in my life I'm finally going to let go of Steven and all the things he said and all the things he did and tried to do. I'm going to stop thinking that every guy in this big world is just here to hurt me because I'm different. I'm going to take my heart off my sleeve because for some unknown reason thats where I like to wear mine. Turn off the constant attitude and be the fun-loving, sweet, beautiful Bre that only my family and close friends get to see. It has to be me all the time no filter. I have the regret of Steven, yes. But I'm done wasting the time of that. Its consuming me and every little good part of my life. No man should ever have that big of a hold on anyone. So in closing to this all over the place blog, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." - A Cinderella Story

                             Until Next Time

Freezing

Does anyone know when its supposed to warm up? I think that somebody needs to have a major sit down chat with mother nature. Its almost April and I have been sleeping with 3 comforters since mid-November. I'm done with this cold weather.

I had to go into work today and that was quite interesting. Being infocus captain at the store has been a major responsibility for me. One that I enjoy so much and I have come to feel like its my second baby (Baja being my first). But its really funny when the manager calls and asks if you work on a certain day, you tell them no you have the day off and they say well your coming in. Then when I get there this morning come to find out I'm not needed for the meetings until next month. Things like that just make me laugh. But it was good to get to speak with the district people about what my concerns are and how I can fix them. That was a big burden off my chest now I have til the end of the month to finish a lot of work and my schedule that I had for the month got totally messed up and now I feel very rushed. My gosh. Wish me luck!

                       Until Next Time

Just a tough day...

Days like to today are what makes Nascar one of the best sports out there or at least to me. Things in a race can change in the blink of an eye and it can go in your drivers favor or completely against it, like what happened to my favorite driver today. Although I must say that he did a wonderful job and I'm so proud of him. I just wish he got the finish he deserved.

I wasn't to sure if I going to see this one race but I wanted to badly, I hadn't watched a race since Daytona and for a race fan like myself that missing races is torture. I have spent the last couple weeks at work on lunch in the back, isolated listening to Joey's car radio. A big thanks to the managers who put up with my making sure I get my lunch after the start time. I can only imagine what happens when I go to lunch on Sunday's. Most people steer clear of the room I choose. If you think that is bad. Just think about with what my family and friends put up with when I'm actually watching it. My mom can get that way to so think of my poor dad and sister when she's actually around.
Today thank God I actually got to see most of the race, which was amazing. Fontana is always interesting. Gaining ground seems a little better than some other tracks. Fortunately and unfortunately there was so much of a shuffle and would take a long time to write I'll spare details and say that the last five laps watching Joey lead the race were utter torture. Especially when 1. You're watching with your roommate and she knows nothing about racing. 2. Although she knows nothing about the overwhelming feeling of emotion when your driver is leading that she found it funny to videotape. 3. When she asks the worst question you can ever ask period. "Wouldn't it be funny if he wrecked on the last lap and lost the race?" 4. Watching that wreck happen of the last lap with the win so close just out of the grip of his hand and the overwhelming feeling to just kick her in the ass for opening her mouth.
The wreck was bad. Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin were racing for the lead and Joey got loose and it was a chain reaction that took out both of them out and gave Kyle Busch the win. So congrats Kyle!
Some may say that the wreck was one racer or the others. But that just wasn't the case. It was a racing accident. And I'm so proud of Joey for holding his ground out there. But my thoughts do go out to Denny since he took what may have been the biggest hit I've seen in a long time and was taken to the hospital for his injuries. 

Moving on but also backwards. It was brought to my attention that I didn't share my new guy friend. There was a reason behind that and to avoid any type of awkward silence, here goes nothing.

He's a pretty nice guy. I don't really know him all that well but hopefully that will change. But its seems like if I blog about a guy they aren't around much longer after I post. That statement in itself is the main reason I'm so apprehensive to do this. But anyways, he and I went to dinner on Friday which I had a good time and it seemed like he did to. But I was left wondering if I really was what he expected or were those higher than normal because of the conversations prior. I don't know but I don't know if I want to know either.

We made plans to watch a movie Saturday. So Saturday came, and he actually showed which is a new thing for me. I'm kinda used to be cancelled on, or the person not showing up. So I was really thrown for a loop when he came. Granted Ashley made a bigger deal of it than she needed to, but she always does. The movie was great. I finally calmed down enough to just enjoy myself. Which it wasn't like I didn't the whole time but after that minute of complete calm it was even better.

I don't know how much there's left for me to say honestly, but we'll see how things go and hopefully this won't end up like the others.

                           Until Next Time

I'm still here...

Well today I woke up and felt like writing. So I am going to write.

Lots has happened since I posted last. I kind of muttled through my daily life and just went with the flow. I feel like I work all the time and have no time to write. But, today I am because I have found inspiration to write again. Which is good because I felt blocked. Blocked from my mind and my soul it seems.

There are only two things I want to discuss. So it will be a shorter post.

First off I want to get the whole feud between Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin and my opinions about it off my chest. The blowout from Bristol was something that I wish I could've seen. What happened on the track was something that just makes my blood boil. I didn't see it happen live but I did see it after the fact. I don't know why but at the end of the season last year I knew things between the former teammates would end up sour. I just didn't know when or what track it would start at. But I really didn't expect it to be the very first race after Joey left Gibbs. Social media fueled the start of this feud just like so many of the others. I'm not sure how many of you follow Nascar but these things can last a long time.

I wouldn't be surprised if Joey retaliated against Denny. Because in my opinion what Denny did was completely wrong. Spinning him out like that seemed intentional, and from the Twitter war he started it just seems to coincidental.

Second thing I want to share is just how happy I've been lately. Its strange honestly to feel as happy as I have for the past week or so. Things have been taking a turn for the better for the most part. But it's like the fact that my life finally headed in the right direction and then the flight or fight kicks in and I'm choosing the the flight instead of the fight. It's all just an uncharted water that I'm terrified to explore. At the end of the day I know that what I truly want is to be happy, and going to bed with a smile on my face and waking up with it still there just isn't enough. It's every smile that comes in between those 2 that is making me want to choose to fight this battle, the one inside myself and the one that is on the outside as well. Although this may seem like a weird thing to say I'm going to say it anyways. I'm prepared to fight til the bitter end and I will be the victor, no more flight all I've got left in me is fight and my utter happiness will be the prize in the end.

                            Until Next Time