Holidays are on the Horizon

We don't realize what we have until its gone. For me this year it'll be that my family probably won't be together for the holidays.  I've always taken for granted having my family around for the holidays. But this year things are completely different. It's hard to think that my family is going to be separated for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's something I've never thought was going to happen in to my sister and I moved out of the house and away from my mom and dad. Even last year when I wasn't living at home I still was home for Christmas and I was there at Thanksgiving. This year unless there's a major change I don't think we're going to be together for Christmas and I know for sure Thanksgiving won't be the same. Right now my sister isn't living at home with us. And I can't give much details but we know that unless there is a miracle she won't be home permanently for either holiday.  I never thought that something like this would happen to me and my family but it is. Its really up in the air right now and that just doesn't seem right. Ever since we were little George and I would sleep in the same room Christmas Eve and whoever woke up 1st had to wake everyone up. Most of the time its me and I tend to scope everything out first if I didn't help put the presents under the tree the night before. And to think that may not be able to happen this year.  It absolutely breaks my heart to even think of this but I know that this may be our reality this year. I hope everyday for the chance to have a normal holiday season. 

Wishing my little sister one very Happy 14th Birthday!!! I love you like no one else will. Like Bonnie and Clyde. Like marshmallows and hot chocolate like mustard on a hot dog you are my best friend. I love you to death and will protect you until the day I die. I'll always be there for you, to give you advice, to be there for you to help guide you in the right direction, to show you what it's like to be a strong woman even though you show me what it's like to be a strong woman on a daily basis. Words can't describe how proud I am of you and how far you've come. So Happy Birthday I love you and I hope you have a great day tomorrow.

Until Next Time ♡

I Won't Give Up

Today has been an interesting one to say the least. I have been working on my cousin's wedding very diligently dispite my newest case of boy trouble. When I think about whether or not I really want to go into this profession I remember one thing. When you've found your soulmate and know that no matter what you know in your heart you're going to be with this person for a lifetime, you deserve to have the best day of your life when you get to make that commitment in front of everyone that loves you so dearly.  And that right there is the reason why I desided to be an event planner. To make that day an unforgettable experience.

I thought that maybe working on weddings would depress when I can't seem to get my love life under control. Especially this one. I've been looking to this one since I made my choice to be in this business. Not as much as I thought it would. Today's task (reception dance ideas) is a little on the difficult side but not as bad as I thought. I'm enjoying it as much as I can and am working on a list to email to her so I can get her to start really get in the mindset that she's going to get married and it isn't just a thought in the back of her mind anymore. When I hit a rough song to listen to I found it easier to just sing. It keeps me focused on the music and not the stuff going on in my life. Take for example right now "You can't hurry love" just came on and its like perfect to describe how I feel right now. But if I sing, I'm focused more on lyrics and not my situation. Its an amazing distraction tactic. I would recommend to anyone going through a struggle. Just sing. Out loud at random. Whatever comes into your head at that exact moment. And it's an instant relief. It's like magic. Just give it a try sometime and see how it works for you!

                          Until Next Time ♡

Little Late but Better Than Never

So, I was reading through my previous posts and saw the one were I was talking about getting my tattoo by my birthday. Well that wasn't the case, but I did get my tattoos. That day was so exciting. I took one of my best friends and we went to one tattoo place and they were really busy. We went to another tattoo place and they weren't. So even though I wanted my tattoo done by the person who had done multiple other friends tattoos I really wanted it done so I didn't change my mind. I've wanted a tattoo since I was 13 years old. Granted, that one is still in the works and will be a decent sized piece because of its meaning and it has to be designed perfectly. I've had other tattoo ideas and the one I actually had done was an idea that I thought long and hard about had multiple different ideas and designs in mind and couldn't settle until I sat done and really thought about the meaning behind why I really wanted this one. If you can't tell by the photos or have no idea where that is from. It's a saying from Harry Potter. Introduced in the third book and movie. The meaning behind the tattoo is complex. Harry Potter is something I share a passion with both my dad and my aunt. My dad took me to see the movies and my aunt bought me the books. I'm thankful to both of them for starting a passion that I will never let fade. So to be able to get ink of something that I am able to share with two very important people to me means the world to me. So.... here are the photos as promised.

                                    Until Next Time ♡

Strength of Billions

Strength. Where in the world does it come from and when do you reach the point where you have none left? They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. But in all reality is that truly the case? Not really.

Take for example where I question whether or not that is true. There is a negative constant in my life that no matter how hard I try and shake him he never leaves. If he does its only for a little while. He always come back at my most vulnerable times and makes things that are so out of character for me seem like it would be okay. I don't think that he knows that I'm vulnerable but I just question why he finds his way back when I am. It's confusing. I know what he wants is wrong but at the same time he makes it seem like it would be so fun.

I'm already so stretched thin when it comes to the other things in life that I have to manage to re-adjust the use of strength to fight the urge to just agree, give in and do something that no matter who you are and where you sit in life is wrong. I know it. He knows it. But still yet wants to cheat and lie and keep everything a secret on top of it all. That to me takes a lot of stupidity. He uses the "oh it'll be fun", or "This isn't lying or cheating" Well we all know that if you have to keep it a secret like we are in kindergarten and keeping things from friends or Mommy and Daddy. It's wrong! Majorly. So to all of those who think that manipulation is all fine and dandy. Think again. 

We all think God may only give us what we can handle, but when you don't have strength left and/or the people in your life like I do to help evaluate where the strength needs to go and you break under the peer pressure or whatever other pressures that there are in life. Know that the person or thing that is doing whatever it is to break you they are in the wrong and there is no reason to feel any kind of guilt or negative feeling that you may feel. Go to someone and talk about things. Talking helps. Let it all out and be heard. When you have nothing left and feel beat and broken know that there are people out there to listen and you will be heard. Be aware of the inner thought and feelings you are having. Hiding them doesn't help anyone and takes most of the strength we have. So, just know that no matter what someone is there for you, to help you, to hear you, and to make the strength we all have work to our advantage. 

                                              Until Next Time <3 

                                      

Complete Pigs

You what really disgusts me.

Men who think its okay to get off asking girls the dumbest questions ever! What you think of as entertainment is so degrading. And to think its okay to ask these questions 30 minutes after you start talking to someone and have never seen them in person.  Its absolutely sickening. Some so called "men" have no class whatsoever. Gets some balls and get to know a girl. Get off on Playboy or movies and stop making women feel important, getting what you want, whatever that may be and disappearing.  I mean really. I have a word in mind but its just not coming to the front of my brain right at the moment.

Switching gears.... 

I'm agitated with the fact that most parents raise their children to be respectful and mindful of people's boundaries. At least mine did. even though that isn't the way society portrays itself. In some cases its the complete opposite.

Where did all of the good go from the world?  It seems that no matter what part of life we talk about there's always someone whether its a man or woman to set a bad example. And who do the kids growing up look to? Us. And the media likes to make the negative shine. Where do teens go when they want the latest news and gossip?  The media. Sometimes I wish the media would quit focusing on the negative and let the positive shine for once. We as people need showers of positivity and sprinkles of negativity. Not the other way around.

Venting done.

                       Until Next Time <3

Chocolate Ice Cream and Everwood

That down in the dumps feeling you get when your day was really bad. Really pissy and your head feels like its about to explode. That has been the kind of day that my day has been today.

I just can't believe why everything  and I mean EVERYTHING is bugging the shit out of me. Especially today. I don't even know what's really bugging me. But I have an idea. It's really sad to think that wanting a relationship and being around someone who you want to be in a relationship with was just not a good idea from the get go. I wanted to make this person appreciate life and see all the good things that it has to offer. Because from where he sits that is just not happening for him. I honestly have no idea what's going to happen between him amd myself but I do know that as of right now I'm giving up. Giving up on him and trying to help people see the better versions of themselves.  Its a waste of time if they don't want to be a better person and I put so much energy into trying I have no energy left to help myself grow. All I want is to wake up in the morning and know that my day is going to be full of happiness and love. And go to bed at night knowing the same thing and on top of that not to have the empty loneliness that follows me on a daily basis.  Its puts to much strain on my soul, and helps contribute to my frustration and anger. I'm tired of being that person.  I'm tired of the aching empty feeling. I want to be happy Bre who has only poked through a few times in the last month and a half.
 
                       Until Next Time

Titanium

We all know what its like to have something we don't want to lose. Or I hope that you do. Whether its a friendship or a relationship. Maybe even something material. I have no idea what it is for you, but for me its a relationship. I haven't been able to put my finger on why this one is so damn important to me but it is. And with everything that is going on in world right now,it's slipping away a little at a time. I guessing I've been acting weird and that is the last thing I need right now. But there has been so much regurgitation of my past in the last few days that it's making my head spin. I can't really help the way I'm acting, unless I push it all down. I used to be able to put off a persona like that but after everything that has happened to me and with all I'm dealing with, it makes it very difficult to give off that persona anymore. And honestly I don't want to do that anymore. I've grown as a person and hiding all that I feel hasn't worked for me and I'm learning that.
What has regurgitated itself you may be wondering. Well, if you have read my previous posts you remember "Bob". Well a few days ago I got a message from him and I was surprised. I haven't really ever heard from guys after they decided they didn't want to talk to me or just ignored me to the point I got fed up that I quit trying. I wasn't sure if I was going to message back because I thought maybe he didn't remember who I was and that maybe I was someone new. But I messaged him just to see why he would message me after what had happened. He actually messaged me to apologize for being an ass. And to me that means a lot. To be able to recognize when you've made a mistake and want to make it right means that you are the bigger person. I truly commend him for doing that.  As the conversation went on he asked me what I thought about him when we hung out the few times that we did. I was honest and told him I thought that he was ok and that I enjoyed the conversations that we had. After that I asked him what he thought of me and he said that I was interesting and he liked talking to me. I was taken aback by this statement because I thought that maybe our conversation at dinner that night was what scared him off but apparently not. The conversation ended by him telling me that he missed talking to me and that was different.  I don't know if I'll actually ever hear from him again,  but knowing that he's sorry for what he did is something that feels good. And to know what happened wasn't my fault feels even better. Because when everything happened for a while I thought that it was my fault and that was something I got over after a while but it took time. I won't lie to you all there were a few times when I thought about it, I cried. It made me angry, depressed, and I felt awkward.

I have still be working on what I mentioned in my last post and its coming along.  Should be ready to be start the first segment here soon. 

                          Until Next Time

Bad Weather, Bad Luck

Hey all! Hope your doing well and are enjoying whatever weather it is that your having. I know I'm doing my best to enjoy the rain. Even though it has left me stranded inside for the past three days. About two weeks ago or so after the last snowfall in Iowa I was running late for work and instead of trying to crap the ice off my windshield I decided to just run the wipers over until the ice broke up. Bad idea. Don't do that like ever. My wipers stopped right in the middle of my windshield. Just my lucky day, right.
Well Tuesday I was supposed to go with my dad to get it checked out and I couldn't do that. So i waited until today when there was a break in the weather to get it checked out and they still aren't working so I have no idea what I'm going to do hopefully I can get them up and running and it won't cost me an arm and a leg.

That's all I really have for tonight. I will say I'm working on a pretty big blog that should be posted here soon. But it's such a big topic I may decide to split it up into a multi-segment type posts. I haven't made a final decision but will soon.

                       Until Next Time

April Fool's day...

I have no idea why but I've always hated April Fool's Day. It's some dumb holiday created by God only knows who and basically all you do is trick people and it's wrong. What's the point in it anyways? I have no idea nor do I wanna know. I haven't had an April fools joke played on me in at least 4 years, until today. Granted it wasn't really that funny. Or at least it wasn't until I remembered it was April Fool's Day. But even then it kinda hurt my feelings and not to mention made me cry. I'm not want to admit that I cry but this time I will because I was totally lost and didn't know what to do.  Some things on April Fools are just funny.  Like what my roommate wanted to do to her parents but in a sick way at least it was funny to us. And I guess that's where I come to find the fact that the joke that was played on me was funny to that person at a time. The fact that phone call was needed to clear everything up and remind me it was April fools day kinda killed it. I don't really want to go into great detail about it but I will say he got me good.

So enough about April fools day and onto the rest of my day. So you know the days when you get up and you just feel like putting on makeup and doing your hair especially if your girl not so much if your guy. Well for me that was today. I woke up this morning and was just in a great mood. I felt good I got a pretty picture that woke me up this morning. Thank you by the way. So I got up and watch TV for a little bit and then I have to go to work today so the 2 hours before I had to go to work I was doing hair and makeup. For some that might seem like a long time but when you want perfect waterfall curls about an hour worth of time goes into doing those curls. Then I go to work and I'm in a pretty good mood, actually a really good mood. And I love when people are like "oh Bre your hair look so great today it's so pretty." That's always great. I love compliments I always have and probably always will. Then when a co-worker asked if I was all pretty because I was going out on a date after work, unfortunately I had to say no. But knowing that I look good enough right now to go on date makes me feel really good. It feels amazing to know that my confidence is growing and I'm not all stressed out all the time and then maybe I'll get asked our more often than I have in the past. That makes me feel good.

                       Until Next Time

Regret??? I'm not sure. Maybe

Hey all! Today is a good day. I'm glad I'm alive and I feel ready to live another day. I feel good in my skin and don't really care that my hair has flyaways galore. We all know that these are the days that make us thankful. But, what about the not so great days, the ones where we shake our heads, constantly look at the ground, and when we look in the mirror it just makes your skin crawl. Also known as the bad days. As we all continue to go through the wonderful thing called daily life, I hope that the good days outway the bad.

I guess that its time to get down to the nitty gritty of what's on my mind for the day. Regrets. We all have them. Some are bigger than others. There are the small ones that you just let go and move on, then there are the others that we just can't let go. I have so many that I've just let go and those just are so easy and then there are the ones I feel given the choice I may never let go. But, knowing that and knowing how I am I realize that I am one to hold grudges for as long as I can then suddenly just be done and let it go. But regret not so much. I'm more of the type of that will sit with it on my mind for a while then just decide to be done but it won't totally leave me. Because I believe that with every mistake and regret there is a chance to grow and learn. Today I'm taking my regrets and mistakes and choosing to make it an opportunity to learn.

What I'm learning and taking from everything is that there are things that are going to happen that are going to make you a better person and here it is that saying that people and things are gonna happen and you have to take that see the best in it l learn from it and try your best to move on. So today is a monumental day in my life I'm finally going to let go of Steven and all the things he said and all the things he did and tried to do. I'm going to stop thinking that every guy in this big world is just here to hurt me because I'm different. I'm going to take my heart off my sleeve because for some unknown reason thats where I like to wear mine. Turn off the constant attitude and be the fun-loving, sweet, beautiful Bre that only my family and close friends get to see. It has to be me all the time no filter. I have the regret of Steven, yes. But I'm done wasting the time of that. Its consuming me and every little good part of my life. No man should ever have that big of a hold on anyone. So in closing to this all over the place blog, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." - A Cinderella Story

                             Until Next Time

Freezing

Does anyone know when its supposed to warm up? I think that somebody needs to have a major sit down chat with mother nature. Its almost April and I have been sleeping with 3 comforters since mid-November. I'm done with this cold weather.

I had to go into work today and that was quite interesting. Being infocus captain at the store has been a major responsibility for me. One that I enjoy so much and I have come to feel like its my second baby (Baja being my first). But its really funny when the manager calls and asks if you work on a certain day, you tell them no you have the day off and they say well your coming in. Then when I get there this morning come to find out I'm not needed for the meetings until next month. Things like that just make me laugh. But it was good to get to speak with the district people about what my concerns are and how I can fix them. That was a big burden off my chest now I have til the end of the month to finish a lot of work and my schedule that I had for the month got totally messed up and now I feel very rushed. My gosh. Wish me luck!

                       Until Next Time

Just a tough day...

Days like to today are what makes Nascar one of the best sports out there or at least to me. Things in a race can change in the blink of an eye and it can go in your drivers favor or completely against it, like what happened to my favorite driver today. Although I must say that he did a wonderful job and I'm so proud of him. I just wish he got the finish he deserved.

I wasn't to sure if I going to see this one race but I wanted to badly, I hadn't watched a race since Daytona and for a race fan like myself that missing races is torture. I have spent the last couple weeks at work on lunch in the back, isolated listening to Joey's car radio. A big thanks to the managers who put up with my making sure I get my lunch after the start time. I can only imagine what happens when I go to lunch on Sunday's. Most people steer clear of the room I choose. If you think that is bad. Just think about with what my family and friends put up with when I'm actually watching it. My mom can get that way to so think of my poor dad and sister when she's actually around.
Today thank God I actually got to see most of the race, which was amazing. Fontana is always interesting. Gaining ground seems a little better than some other tracks. Fortunately and unfortunately there was so much of a shuffle and would take a long time to write I'll spare details and say that the last five laps watching Joey lead the race were utter torture. Especially when 1. You're watching with your roommate and she knows nothing about racing. 2. Although she knows nothing about the overwhelming feeling of emotion when your driver is leading that she found it funny to videotape. 3. When she asks the worst question you can ever ask period. "Wouldn't it be funny if he wrecked on the last lap and lost the race?" 4. Watching that wreck happen of the last lap with the win so close just out of the grip of his hand and the overwhelming feeling to just kick her in the ass for opening her mouth.
The wreck was bad. Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin were racing for the lead and Joey got loose and it was a chain reaction that took out both of them out and gave Kyle Busch the win. So congrats Kyle!
Some may say that the wreck was one racer or the others. But that just wasn't the case. It was a racing accident. And I'm so proud of Joey for holding his ground out there. But my thoughts do go out to Denny since he took what may have been the biggest hit I've seen in a long time and was taken to the hospital for his injuries. 

Moving on but also backwards. It was brought to my attention that I didn't share my new guy friend. There was a reason behind that and to avoid any type of awkward silence, here goes nothing.

He's a pretty nice guy. I don't really know him all that well but hopefully that will change. But its seems like if I blog about a guy they aren't around much longer after I post. That statement in itself is the main reason I'm so apprehensive to do this. But anyways, he and I went to dinner on Friday which I had a good time and it seemed like he did to. But I was left wondering if I really was what he expected or were those higher than normal because of the conversations prior. I don't know but I don't know if I want to know either.

We made plans to watch a movie Saturday. So Saturday came, and he actually showed which is a new thing for me. I'm kinda used to be cancelled on, or the person not showing up. So I was really thrown for a loop when he came. Granted Ashley made a bigger deal of it than she needed to, but she always does. The movie was great. I finally calmed down enough to just enjoy myself. Which it wasn't like I didn't the whole time but after that minute of complete calm it was even better.

I don't know how much there's left for me to say honestly, but we'll see how things go and hopefully this won't end up like the others.

                           Until Next Time

I'm still here...

Well today I woke up and felt like writing. So I am going to write.

Lots has happened since I posted last. I kind of muttled through my daily life and just went with the flow. I feel like I work all the time and have no time to write. But, today I am because I have found inspiration to write again. Which is good because I felt blocked. Blocked from my mind and my soul it seems.

There are only two things I want to discuss. So it will be a shorter post.

First off I want to get the whole feud between Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin and my opinions about it off my chest. The blowout from Bristol was something that I wish I could've seen. What happened on the track was something that just makes my blood boil. I didn't see it happen live but I did see it after the fact. I don't know why but at the end of the season last year I knew things between the former teammates would end up sour. I just didn't know when or what track it would start at. But I really didn't expect it to be the very first race after Joey left Gibbs. Social media fueled the start of this feud just like so many of the others. I'm not sure how many of you follow Nascar but these things can last a long time.

I wouldn't be surprised if Joey retaliated against Denny. Because in my opinion what Denny did was completely wrong. Spinning him out like that seemed intentional, and from the Twitter war he started it just seems to coincidental.

Second thing I want to share is just how happy I've been lately. Its strange honestly to feel as happy as I have for the past week or so. Things have been taking a turn for the better for the most part. But it's like the fact that my life finally headed in the right direction and then the flight or fight kicks in and I'm choosing the the flight instead of the fight. It's all just an uncharted water that I'm terrified to explore. At the end of the day I know that what I truly want is to be happy, and going to bed with a smile on my face and waking up with it still there just isn't enough. It's every smile that comes in between those 2 that is making me want to choose to fight this battle, the one inside myself and the one that is on the outside as well. Although this may seem like a weird thing to say I'm going to say it anyways. I'm prepared to fight til the bitter end and I will be the victor, no more flight all I've got left in me is fight and my utter happiness will be the prize in the end.

                            Until Next Time

The New Year is upon Us....

Hey everyone... sorry I took so long to write I just kinda got swept up in work and friend stuff.

I know I said I had some big news for you all. So we all remember back when I asked you all to keep Lyric and Elizabeth and their families in your thoughts. Well, not much long after that the girls were found. Sadly they were not found alive and for that I am deeply saddened. But, if we all look at the bright side of this story and YES there is one. It is that the families don't have to wonder about where these two precious little girls are and they know that they are with the Lord. So now is the time for you all to pray for these two families that have the strength to come to peace with what has happened to their family.

I'm sorry for cutting this blog very short because I had so much more I wanted to tell you all but I just recieved some pretty disurbing news of my own and need time to process it so....

                                                                       Until Next Time